Walls
by KuroNekoChi
Summary: Arthur's thoughts on Gawain/Merlin during episode 3x8. pre slash.   Slight spoilers for 3x8


*This is based on episode 3x8*

(Let me know what you guys think)

The stone door opens and Arthur can hardly contain the relief he feels at seeing Merlin right there, on his feet, unharmed.

After having been around Merlin for so long, he has perfected the art of appearing cool and not worried at all, so he is easily able to hide his feelings as he walks over to his manservant to tell him how typical it is for him to get into this sort of situation.

But he doesn't. His body is a traitor so his arm decides to reach over instead of staying away, like it should. He pats Merlin, he _pats_ him and, yes, he knows that he would've hugged him if he hadn't willed his legs to move forward and search the room, not really putting an effort into it.

But then his insides clench and he fights off the desire –the _instinct_- to be territorial and jump at Gawain when he sees the man from the corner of his eye, as he hugs Merlin, actually _hugs_ him. And it's way too hard and too long for it to be casual, and Arthur wants to shout at Gawain not to exaggerate because Merlin was only in that room for a little while and besides, he doesn't even deserve it, the klutz, because things like that happen all the time, so Gawain shouldn't bother.

But he doesn't shout or say anything.

Instead, he spots the golden trident, takes it and cheerily announces his achievement to the other two before guiding them out of the castle fast.

This victory doesn't taste as good as Arthur thought it would. He finds himself making an effort to present the others with a strained smile and false satisfaction.

He tries to convince himself it's because he didn't do it alone, because Merlin and Gawain had to help him. But deep down he knows that isn't quite right.

Deep down he knows the way he feels has something to do with Gawain and the fact that he was with Merlin -and _why_ was he with Merlin anyways?- and that hug; too tight and too long and the way they are with each other...

They hadn't known each other for that long. Gawain had _left_, he was a drunk and had caused Merlin trouble.

He was a flirt and a player, no doubt, but he still had the guts to hug Merlin like that.

Oh… and they had probably spent the night together, alone, in the woods, before finding Arthur in the castle…

As they rode away from Gawain, Arthur couldn't help but notice the lingering glance he shot Merlin as he turned around.

He had the urge to ask, to know _"How did you manage to find Gawain?" _or more like _"Why did you look for him? Why did he say yes? Did you offer him something?"_

Arthur almost laughed at that last thought. Of course Merlin hadn't had to offer him anything. Gawain would have agreed to follow Merlin without giving it a second thought, if the hug and the looks were anything to go by.

And that made panic well up in his chest because he realized that Gawain would do anything for Merlin, wouldn't he?

The panic was soon replaced by bitterness.

Gawain _could _do anything for Merlin, he isn't tied to anything, doesn't have to think of duty. On the other hand…

Arthur's thoughts were interrupted by Merlin chattering excitedly about their journey, which brought him back to the real world with a painful pang on his chest.

He suddenly started thinking of his father, about the quest, which he should have done alone –though he knows he wouldn't have finished it on his own, even if he'd never admit it-; and about Merlin, about the fact that he was Arthur's manservant and he shouldn't really care about him, what he does or who he hugs.

It is painful, but Arthur needs to get back to reality because the castle keeps getting closer and it's not the same when they're surrounded by people, by stone walls.

And as he rides off, Arthur fleetingly wonders if he'd be able to go on a trip with Merlin, just the two of them, to faraway lands, away from people and walls.

But right now the doors of Camelot are opening for him and he has to go through them. And that scares him, makes him feel trapped.

Duty overwhelms him, but he _must_…

So he does.

A/N: I think Arthur needs a hug, he really does. And Merlin knows this, that's why he tried to hug him in s2... He should try again :D


End file.
